Childhood Reflections

As bright and shiny as I wish my track record were, I am here to tell you today that there have in fact been times in my life when I have embarrassed my mother.

The particular story brought to mind today is one that (for some odd reason, unknown to myself) frequently comes up in our household: The day--surely more than 20 years ago--when we were visiting the Pastor's family.  A fun-filled afternoon in their basement, playing with toys far more fascinating than my own, in the company of my little friends! I was, no doubt (?), a perfect angel the entire time.

Until it was time to go.

When called upon by dear Mother to clean up and get ready to go, there was just no way I was ready to give up my fun. I glowered up the stairs where my mother and the pastor's wife were standing, clenched my little fists, stamped my foot and hollered "NO!!!"

Yes, I do believe that is one day my Mom could have lived without.

- - -

Thanks to proper discipline and training (not to mention a few years to grow up) I can assure you my mother and I are on much better terms now than on that afternoon. In fact, I have given up foot-stomping altogether. When it comes to appropriate behavior, I at least get it right far more now than when I was an undisciplined, selfish little child. No longer do I shout "NO!!!" to my Mom when she asks me to do something that doesn't tickle my fancy. I've learned all those lessons, right?

Ummm.

Today I learned that something precious to me is to be outwardly taken away in the next few months. A friendship not dissolved, but made physically distant--in the midst of a huge project we were beginning to work on together, that had so many hopes in it for the future. Wanna know how my heart was tempted to respond?

"NO!!!"

"I don't LIKE this plan of yours!! I want things to stay how they have been!!"

Ah yes, that rebellious little child is yet residing in this 23-year-old. Still needing to be dealt with. But between the years of then and now, Someone called the Holy Spirit has taken up residence in my heart. I may not like or understand something my heavenly Father doles out for me...but I know who He is...

He is good.

He is wise.

And His promises is that:

"The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: Thy mercy, O LORD, endureth forever: forsake not the works of Thine own hands." (Psalm 138:3, KJV)

All the things in my life, including dear friends and dear plans, are gifts--works of His hands. Not something that belongs to ME to do what I think best with. I must let go and trust that not only will He not forsake that work, He will perfect it according to His mercy!

Just as I couldn't know as a little girl why my Mother was needing to leave (nobody else could fix our dinner!), I can't know even now what work my Heavenly Daddy is doing. But just as I was trained to trust my Mom and to obey joyfully...so my Father is teaching me to trust Him. And to submit even to the things that hurt, or that I don't understand.

And in that sometimes painful submission?

So much peace.